“Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander” – Oceans, Hillsong United
Sometimes I fall so in love with being alive, with the colors and the textures and saying yes to experiences or adventures I never even dreamed of. Sometimes I live in the moment and think “I want these things” or “maybe I need better winter clothes because what I have is good but not good enough.”
And maybe that’s my fear – maybe I’m worried about not being good enough. In fact, some days, I should not put maybe at the front of that statement. I reason it off by saying “well, a better rain jacket will help now that I live in Portland and walk everywhere.” But having more and better things is not the me I have ever known. I have oft been satisfied with having good enough. And dreams… oh dreams…
A friend shared this quote with me and it just broke me apart. It wholly and completely destroyed me. Because I would say that I’ve had a really great, really blessed week. And I get so lost in living in Portland and being my dream, I get so lost in the satisfaction of working and being and going places and having the ability to walk into store and buy things or not worry too much about spending money on lunch with one or ten friends. This instant satisfaction, this near-complacency it can destroy me, if I let it. Sometimes I need to be brought back to reality, to be re-grounded in the big picture. To remember the largeness and vastness of the eternal kingdom.
I have found that dreaming is not really my thing. Sure, I imagine and I daydream and I wonder. But I do not dare hope for that which I dream of, because I know I have a heavenly father who provides so much more for me. So I step. I step cautiously and with abandon. Calculated, but daring. Because my dreams are so much shorter and smaller than what God has in store. Yet I fear by even having such dreams, I exclude myself from something bigger, something greater, a destiny that has been waiting. And yet, I cannot even imagine what is bigger, or better, or greater than the life I now live.
So I leave you with Oceans, which is currently one of my favorite Hillsong United tracks.