Walking home this evening, Carry On by fun. came on my iPhone music, and it gave me a flurry of memories that cascaded into a line of thoughts.
I miss that rushing feeling as few stoplights blur, an endless highway lit by the moon hanging gently from the sky and the massive awestriking expanse of stars beckoning up. The highway reaches endlessly into the night. I miss the dull pain reaching far into my heart, the physical weight of sorrow and confusion holding down my chest as I take somber breaths. I was empty and alone, pushed against a barren landscape – a place of my choice – and pulled from my former coastal reality.
Clinging to certain truths from my faith, promises extended to others hundreds of thousands of years before me, and possibly contextually mistranslated in a time of sorrow and despair, I hoped for better days.
Remembering that lonely landscape is a reminder that no matter how much one tries to feel a feeling in more than just a moment, it is fleeting to the feeling of the next moment as pain washes away and blends to the urban joy and success, the noises of the city serving as a calm cacophony uplifting my highest hopes and dreams.
Last Spring the song Carry On by the band fun. was a song I listened to relatively regularly, because it felt how I felt. The acoustic version has so much more vibe and emotion, it is so much more raw and real than the album version, which is why I have it in my music.