Nathanial Garrod

The Day Before: A Tribute

Six years ago. Today.

It was just another day.

Mom was in the hospital. She had been there. She had been feeling better. She was talking about leaving soon. Getting out. Going home.

Over the weekend, her condition had gone downhill. On Friday, she had been babbling a bit. Seeing things that were not there. It was scary. I left the hospital. I could not handle it. It was raining. I ran across town. After a mile or so, I could barely see. It was a mix of the rain and my tears. She was worse than she had been.

After some time, I made my way back to the hospital. I hugged my mom.

But today. Today six years ago. At church, a friend said that she was not doing too well. She was sleeping. Or something like that. I sat there. I watched her. She breathed in and out. Slowly. My aunt challenged me to match her breathing patterns. It was too slow. I could not match it. I sat there. Silent. People from church came and went. After maybe an hour and a half, maybe two hours, I left. I hugged her. I whispered in her ear.

I think she said “I love you.” It was mumbled. And barely coherent.

If only I had known it would be the last time I would see her visage.

It was so real. So surreal. I was there. But in my memory, I just have cloudy shapes. Faces are barely there. Everything is misplaced. Everything is there.

Some days, it runs through my mind – the whole sequence of events – over and over again. It refines itself to specific details.

It is so distant. So long ago now. Every year, it gets harder. Every year it gets easier.

3 Comments on “The Day Before: A Tribute

  1. Hernan
    March 29, 2010

    today you should do something that you guys loved to do together, june 12th its gonna be 10 years for me and im gonna make some empanadas cause thats what i remember me and my mom doing that was special for her and fun for me.
    Do something in memory of her today nathan.

  2. Kate
    March 29, 2010

    The last thing I ever said to my mom when she was still coherent was to ask for a neighbor’s phone number…I had no idea she was going to pass so soon. Thankfully, I was able to fly down to southern California and tell her how much I love her just a few hours before she passed away.

    My entire family says she waited for me to get there before she moved on.

    Your post made me think a lot about my mom, which is extremely difficult for me because it’s so painful. Thank you- you make me realize I’m not alone in how much it hurts.

  3. Pingback: 10 Years Time: A Memorial | Nathanial Garrod

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This entry was posted on March 28, 2010 by in Events, Memories and tagged , , , , , , .
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