At some point after March 2016, I fell out of the habit of writing regularly for my internet space. I guess I had a few things going on.
I think I’m finally falling into some kind of rhythm, though we shall see how long that lasts. What I have here is less meaningful reflections and thoughts, and more small updates and process oriented things.
In the month of May, I was feeling really good about running. Running was going so well – I was around 80 miles that month, almost a week before it ended. My mileage goal was closer to 70 miles, so I had already broken my goal and I was feeling good. My last run that month was four miles and it was one of the most solid, feel-good runs I have had in months.
Then I came down with a bacterial infection in my throat – probably strep, but the doctor could not verify that with testing when I went in – at the end of May. I essentially spent the first week of June laying in bed, trying to not feel completely broken. Even after that, my return to work was a lot more “I’m bored and have so much to catch up on” rather than “I feel so good!”
This meant another week or so without running. I got a couple runs in mid-June, then L and I went on vacation to California.
I went from over 80 miles in May to a smidge over 8 miles in June. It has been a real humbling experience. I struggling with basing my pride on my mileage, so to not do well running feels like I am not doing well at person-ing. I know this is categorically untrue, and it is not the measure by which I want to gauge my success. Yet I do.
In many ways, I viewed July as a fresh start, a new beginning, as hope for continuing the momentum I had at the end of May. Maybe this is why Marvel keeps re-numbering their comics, for a constant feeling of “maybe this time I can be better.”
I keep trying to make time for writing again, then… not doing it. My buddy Josh convinced me to stop everything I was doing and create something the other week. So I wrote a short story. I like it a lot. He gave me notes, L gave me notes, I need to go back and edit.
I would love to write one short story a week, or even half a story a week. That could easily give me a size-able body of work by the end of summer. My biggest strugging is really just following through and taking the time to do the thing I have budgeted time to, when I could easily put on pajamas and watch TV or read, or play a game on my phone. Not to mention all the other things that build up – cleaning or errands or work I need to finish from my day-job or do for the church.
I have so many projects I want to finish. I really do want to close the cover on this book I have been workin on for like, literally ten years. Whether that means I finish it and actually do something with it, or finish it and throw it in a box – I want to feel like it is finished.
I also want to clean up this stage play I wrote in college. When I wrote it, I had connected with folks, and almost had a chance to get it put on, but the director bailed right before casting and all of my connections graduated right after that. It has sat on an external hard drive for so long. Seeing some of the theater scene in Portland, I feel like there is maybe a chance to move forward with that.
My hope is to carve some small amount of time out of my week to write some posts. Probably most will be shorter than this. My intention is to focus on being more reflective again, but also to build out my writing skills a bit more.
I want to start reviewing things again. I think right now I am trying to figure out if I should focus my energy on reviewing books, movies, places, wine, or beer. I like so many things, and I want to become truly an expert in something. I would lean more heavily towards books, but it is so time consuming to do that at the volume I would like to, which means I am considering other things.
I mentioned church earlier – I took on a role with a church. I started back in October as the Director of Ministry for Youth and Families for a small-ish church just outside Portland. It is probably around the same distance away as my last church, but because it’s on the other side of the mountain, it feels further away. It has been a much different experience of engaging and connecting with community – I am so used to seeing folks from my church almost every day and having deep personal connections with everyone in my community.
Working with the kids has been a lot of fun. It is really cool to have some great, thoughtful conversations with them. My hope is that they are growing and considering new perspectives, but also having a lot of fun.
Anyway, this is a lot of words. I am really grateful for the opportunity to consider July as the beginning of the last half of the year. I am thinking of July as a somewhat fresh start. As an opportunity to start to finish all of the things I have not yet.