To be honest, this was just going to be a quick paragraph on Tumblr, but it turned out to be a bit more than that, so I thought I’d post it here.

—

The past four weeks have brought me so much. It’s crazy to think that just a month ago, I still lived in Cali, it was a couple days after graduation, and I had so much ahead. Not that I don’t have so much ahead still.

Moving out to Oklahoma, I left a lot of useful stuff, and brought a lot of semi-useful, semi-not-useful stuff. I should just gone with getting a U-Haul and packing everything out here. Maybe then I wouldn’t have had to deal with the radiator blow out.

Which set me back 12 hours and a couple hundred dollars. Not to mention when I got here, I paid another couple hundred on new breaks, and yet another couple hundred for general house stuff, ranging from pots and pans to toilet paper and internet. Oh, actually not even including internet. My iPod broke and I had to replace it. My Kindle broke. Amazon was kind enough to replace that.

Then the jazz in London happened, causing me to change my date of return, which I have mixed feelings about. Then the whole getting caught in the storm thing on the way back. And now my car might possibly have a leak thing for the anti-freeze, which is possibly why my engine keeps almost over-heating/being tempermental. On top of the oil change. And I’ll potentially need new tires soon. And I haven’t gotten a paycheck since May.

And I’m trying really hard to give it all to God. To trust him and his plan and his will and his glory and greatness and awesomeness.

I really want to be able to afford to fly back to Cali for Labor Day Weekend. I would love that so much. So many people I didn’t get to say bye to, or that I wanna see, or whatever. And… just being there that weekend. Just being in California. I miss it. There’s a feeling that goes with California.

But I’m afraid of the possibility that that’s not in the cards. I’m scared that this whole “being in another state” thing is not gonna work out well.

I keep thinking of the line from the Jars of Clay song: “Dear God: Surround me as I speak. The bridges that I walk across are weak…” That song is my prayer. That I could have the faith to know that these things will work out.

Deep down, I know that everything comes together, that everything works out the way it’s supposed to. I’m just being challenged right now to let go of how I want things to turn out and let God settle how he wants things to turn out.