Stream of Consciousness Blog Post by a College Graduate (upon the summer of his graduation)

The past 48 days have been challenging and incredible. It seems like not too long ago that I was writing about how I only had 40 days left in undergrad.

And now here I am, on exactly the opposite side of things.

48 days ago, I packed my car, hugged the twins, and started driving south. What was an incredibly well planned move to Oklahoma (with a stop in San Diego) fell apart on day one.

Our attitude is pretty much the only thing we can control. When my car started having issues, I started panicking. I was afraid. And that affected how I was perceiving the things around me. Between the unexpected financial struggles of moving to a new place, the car issues, and the extreme heat (many locals say it’s the hottest it has been in 15 years), I have asked God everyday why he has placed me here. “Because I said so,” is about the best I’ve got so far.

So when I wake up everyday, I choose the attitude I bring into it. I choose how I feel at the end of the day. This is a concept that I struggle with – perhaps many people struggle with. After all, it’s hard to have a good attitude after feeling beat down, defeated, discouraged. But then again, don’t we choose to feel these things?

When I wake up at the beginning of the day, I continuously think to myself “really? 7:30am? What am I doing here?” Sometimes I even make a comment out loud. Usually along the lines of “ugh” or “erg.”

How much better would my day be if I woke up and said “yippee!” If the thoughts in my head were “oh gosh! I get another day!” Isn’t that how we should be perceiving the world?

Everyday is a gift. Why aren’t we treating those days as gifts? Why am I not treating these days as gifts.

Classes start in less than a month. I have barely worked out – lack of access to the gym – I haven’t read as much as I would like, and I’ve written a grand total of about 10 pages and 3 blogs. And a few e-mails.

I need to increase my productivity level. Weekends are not just hang-out time – they are time when I need to be getting the stuff done that I said I would. I have an auto-biographical piece that is 76 pages long. I want to bring that to some form of conclusion and either put it away, or sell it.

I have an unfinished novel that I’ve been trying to move forward with since I was a freshman in college.

When I chose my grad school program, my promise to myself was that  I would still write.

And that’s what I plan to do.