Packing Woes

Honestly, I should probably be asleep right now.
I have a 5:30am pick-up to the airport where I, with some members of my faith community, will be taking a flight to Denmark. This flight is – well, many hours. I have not actually calculated because time-zones.
I have lots of thoughts and feelings, and I feel like I want to share some of them with the internets.
The idea of going on this trip was introduced to me at some point in late May or early June, and late August was so far away. Because of stuff at work, I felt like the timing was awful. Honestly, I still feel like the timing is awful, but I hear the voice of one of my grad school mentors in my head: “Nothing in life happens with good timing, you just make things happen.” Those are not exact words he said, just an idea he conveyed.

My colleagues and some other friends, as well as the leaders of my faith community, have continued to encourage me in this way. So it may not be the best time, I may be walking away from so many things in Portland that I love and am excited about in what feels like a somewhat abrupt fashion, but I may never have another time.

There are people out there, people in the world, that feel lonely or hurt or disenfranchised. People that feel like they do not belong or no one notices or cares. Humans that feel lost and afraid. If I have any chance, any opportunity to do something to help someone, I feel like I should take it.

This is a wall at a local Ad Agency. It is made with push pins and says “Fail Harder.” If you look close enough, there are patterns in the push pins. It is one of my favorite statements of art in Portland.

So yeah, I am a bit scared and nervous and uncertain. Today I received a message from one of the members of my team “YAYYY WE’RE GOING TO EUROPE!” and my (not directly immediate response) was “I’ll be sad when it’s over.”

It takes me awhile to get excited about something like this. It takes really digging in and being in the experience to really be enthusiastic. When I did Royal Family Kids Camp earlier this year I did not gain any level of enthusiasm or lose my skepticism until about an hour after my camper arrived.

I have this marathon coming up, and this summer has been full of me being impatient and a bit irritated – after my race in Northern California earlier this summer, I have barely logged any miles. My training fell off before it even really began because I have been trying to work through some ankle pain. I think the pain is mostly dissipating, but ebbs and flows, depending on the day.

Still trying to fund raise – I have about $1000 left before I hit my goal. If you are interested in donating to my trip, donating to positive light and influence spreading in Northern Europe, you can go to thegroveschurch.com/give, just make sure to designate Nathanial Garrod – Denmark Trip in the notes box.