Words, while not the sole manner of interaction humans have, are our main effort to communicate thoughts and ideas. I have come to a deeper understanding of this through several interactions and observations since the beginning of the weekend.

Scene One: While with one of the professional staff from my internship site, we drove to a grocery store in the evening. When we pulled in to the parking spot, there was a car with a female passenger in it. We speculated as to why the woman stayed in the car while the person she was with did the shopping. My colleague imagined a scenario where the woman in question had perhaps had a rough day or just received difficult news. I found myself wondering quietly how much different this strangers day would have been if someone had said something nice.

Scene Two: While texting a friend, I carelessly share an opinion which I have rather strong feelings about. Never having shared this opinion before and not thinking too much I adamantly and unnecessarily stand by my opinion, instead of supporting my friend.

Scene Three: The current LifeChurch.tv series is “At The Movies,” where they show clips from recent-release films, then discuss the faith lesson that is related to the film. This weeks film was “We Bought a Zoo” starring Matt Damon who plays a father who… buys a zoo. His young teen son is at first very upset about the transition. One of the clips shown was the father and the son in an argument one night. A few clips later was the resolution of that conflict – the father and the son sitting and talking things out.

As I have sat and thought through my weekend these individual bits come together to form a general theme.

Words matter.

We only have so long in our lives, and our lives are marked by the things we say and do. Not only that, but our lives are marked by the correlation of the things we say and do.

In our finite amount of time, we should be saying things to others that life them up, that encourage them, that support them. Yes, there is a time for criticism, not everything is always rosy and perfect, but criticism should be supportive not ablative.

We all have a few minutes of time in the space of our day, time to send a text message, leave a wall post on Facebook, throw out a Tweet, or write a recommendation on LinkedIn.

The question is, how will you make use of your words today to make a difference?

Spiderman has something most superheroes (or heroes, in the case of Batman and Iron Man) don’t have. A normal life. An ability to identify with the average individual. The quiet, shy, introverted individuals. Think about it; X-Men are born with abilities, Batman and Iron Man have a lot of money, Superman is an alien, and the Hulk knows exactly what he did to himself. Spiderman faced unexpected circumstances.

Sometimes, as people, we cannot change the circumstances around us. What you can change, like Spiderman, is how you react to your circumstances. He received unprecedented abilities, and used them. You have unique talents and gifts. Have you used them?

Further, Spiderman teaches us to believe. He teaches us that when all hope is gone, we need to carry on. Time and time again, on the backs of others, Spiderman is helped through his challenges. It’s not something he faces alone, instead the whole community comes together to support him. It’s incredible how indomitable the support makes him. When others believe in his ability in a situation, he is able to use their support and help to get through the situation. What community are you engaging with? Is that community helping you or hurting you?

So I failed. But in failure, there is always a lesson to be learned.

I do not have to let the calendar determine which 40 days I dedicate my sacrifice. Sure, there is a traditional time. Yes, it is a custom. It is wonderful to have the support of friends who are also making a sacrifice. But ultimately, the only person who controls what I do is me. I can start or stop anything at any time, because I have the power to make a choice.

I do not have to let a calendar select when I choose to star or end a habit. I can make New Year’s resolutions at any point in the year. I am a free individual with the power to make decisions myself. I am not a slave to a calendar.

Let us not forget that every day is a new chance to start again. After all, that is the point of Easter, right? We all fail. We all make mistakes of some kind every day. Yet we always have a chance to start again. Not even every day, but every minute is a chance to remake ourselves – a chance to be better than we were before.

Currently my bible reading plan has me reading through one of six books Christians often dread reading. Numbers. A book rivaled by both volumes of Chronicles, Leviticus, Deuteronomy and the latter portion of Exodus; Numbers fills many with consternation as they begin it. After all, how well can a book that begins with a request from God to hold a census go? (Sidenote: isn’t this the same God who knows how many hairs every man has on his head, and how many grains of sand exist in the world?) Irrelevant in the modern world as far as commands and family histories go, many fail to see the many ways this book points to Jesus.

In Chapter 6, The LORD shares with Moses the rules of being a Nazirite, of being “consecrated to the LORD.” To be consecrated is to be formally dedicated for a divine purpose. It’s almost like being baptized. It is very intentionally saying “I am living for The King of Kings, and for no other. I will lead by example.” Being a Nazirite seems to be a position one earned. There were four simple conditions set up.

1) No alcohol. Ever.
2) No Grapes. At all. Under any circumstances.
3) No use of a razor on the individuals body.
4) Don’t go near dead bodies. Of any kind.

After doing these things for an appointed time, there were certain rites and traditions that had to be observed. Sacrifices and such. After going through all this, the individual was supposed to be closer to God.

So a few hundred years – or at least a few decades, I’m not really sure on the whole timing thing – Samson comes along. I know this because I went to Sunday School as a small child. Also, because I attend LifeChurch.tv and it is our current series. Craig Groeschel has been talking a lot about weakness, and desire, and how these things affect modern Christian men.

If you’re unfamiliar with Samson, his story is tucked neatly in the book of Judges 13-16, between a mere footnote on Ibzan, Elon and Abdon and the story of a guy named Micah who seems to get his own personal Levite priest.

Basically, this Samson dude is supposed to be a blessed son of God and a Nazirite from birth to death (I don’t know for sure, but it seems like this is a big deal). A decade or two after his birth, he walks to this town and kills a lion on the way. Then Samson decides he wants to marry a Philistine girl – a daughter of enemies. When returning to the town, he decide to eat some honey from a hive bees built in the carcass of the lion. Long story short, he gets screwed over and ends up killing 1,000 Philistines. Years later, he decides to marry another Philistine woman – Delilah. She gets him to give up that his immense strength and ability comes from his unshaved hair. So she shaves his hair and he becomes an eyeball-less captive of the Philistines. Finally, after being a captive for awhile, he pushes against the pillars of the Philistine temple and brings it down around him, killing hundreds of Philistines and himself.

Samson was an elite, appointed leader. He was God’s chosen vessel to rule over Israel – and relatively successfully for about 20 years – yet he constantly makes mistakes. He constantly ends up in situations that compromise his purpose, his values, his desires. And he constantly gives in to those things.

Thousands of years later, Jesus came, lived by example and was led to the slaughter like a helpless lamb. Jesus was a sacrifice for our sins. No longer do we have to hold to the books of rules and laws and rituals. Our rule, our law, our ritual, is to love Christ and love like Christ.

Samson had a set of rules to abide. We have a rule to abide. Yet alone we are just as unable to follow that rule as Samson was unable to follow his rules.

How could Samson be so close to God as to have his direct power, to hear from God specifically, and yet make so many mistakes? More over, how can we be so close to God, so connected to him through Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and yet make so many mistakes? At any time, we can say “hey God, what’s up? I need your help” and he is there. Why is our faith so weak?

How often do we fail on the things we are supposed to do? All we have to do is share the love of Jesus – unconditional, unstoppable, deeply caring love. Love of individual no matter who they are, what background they have, and what actions they choose to take

So this year as Lent approaches, I’ve begun to question – what is getting in the way of my relationship with Christ? And as I self-examine, I find that my anger, my sorrow and my fear are getting in the way. In short, I need an attitude adjustment. I need to let go of negativity. I need to focus more on Christ.

So how do I do this? In my thought and prayer and reflection, I have come to the conclusion that while the intentional focus of attitude change is important, pulling closer to Christ will pull my further from these daily struggles.

In a message this past fall, Andy VomSteeg of New Vintage Church offered the 30 day challenge. His challenge was to read the Bible for 15 minutes every day for 30 days. I think he said something along the lines of “you can take a break on Saturday.” I think I’m going to adopt this for myself, except I’m going to make it 40 days. It only takes 15 days to make a habit, right?

So how will I hold accountable to this? Every day I read, I’m going to write down at least one verse that stands out to me, put it on a card and hang it on my wall. Then I’m going to (even briefly) journal about the verse. After I do this, first thing in the morning, I’m going to pray. I’m going to pray for a positive day, a chance to make a difference, and the people that are important to me.

I don’t say any of this to be all “look-at-me, look-at-me!” I say this because I know there are many out there who need this support, this encouragement. I know that many people need to be challenged. Maybe you do not actively practice Lent, maybe you’re struggling in your faith. I think it is important that if one is going to recognize Lent, it is important to recognize it for what it is, for what it should be, not for what it has become.

Yesterday, we created an opportunity for the students to build community amongst each other outside of the church environment. Yes, that’s right! We went bowling! I like to say I won the moral victory, by not bowling. Instead, I spent the evening taking pictures of the group. Only about five students came. I am thankful to have learned from my student leader programming work that programs are not about how many students show up, but what the students who show up get out of the program. I think the students who came were able to have a fun time, and bond a bit with each other, and the leaders.

After we went bowling, we went to In-N-Out, and ate delicious food. Again, I abstained, merely purchasing fries and a milk shake, in order to save room for the delicious dinner I later had with my roommates (yum, tacos). All-in-all, it was a great time to spend with the students and other leaders.

As I was driving home, I put on “In You 2” by Thru the Roof, and it reminded me of my own youth group experience. I often think of the youth group I was a part of. I never knew then how much it, or the people who were part of it, would impact my life.  Maybe to some extent, I still don’t understand it. That is really another story for another day.

The memory that came to mind as I was driving was from a very specific event. There was a weekend youth conference at Slater Middle School one weekend. It was for high school and junior high students. I think at the time I was in the equivalent to 8th grade. I went with my youth pastor’s daughter (who was in 10th grade) and her friend who was the same age. I was fairly close with the family of that particular youth pastor. I remember I really looked up to all of them. I was also more than slightly intimidated by them. Not in a bad way, just in a “I really think you’re awesome, and I don’t want you to think I’m a loser” way.

During one of the break times, the three of us were walking around the school a bit. Well, the two of them were walking, and I was trailing awkwardly behind.

“Why are you walking behind us?” my youth pastors daughter asked. My answer was probably something awkward. I didn’t wanna interrupt them or anything. Then she told me to walk with them, not behind them. That was probably one of the first (and only) times I really felt genuinely included during an activity my youth group did.

Other random memories from that weekend that still stick with me:

1) There was a skit about God’s mercy and forgiving nature. One person was walking around on the stage, with a bag of garbage. The other told them that God could forgive them, and they wouldn’t have to hold on to their garbage anymore. The garbage holder said “yeah, okay.” After putting their garbage on the ground, the garbage-holder said something along the lines of “wait, I need to grab something.” She pulled a mason’s jar full of mud out of the garbage bag, then spent a few minutes walking around and holding onto it. Then the other individual said “God can take that for you too, if you let him.” Sometimes I think of this in my reflections on life. Sometimes I feel like the garbage holder  – refusing to let go of things I have done in the past. Wanting to hold on to my mistakes, and continuously take ownership of them. I forget that I do not have to live with that. I can let that go. It’s hard sometimes.

2) The band Thru The Roof. I linked to their website above in this post. They were an INCREDIBLE band to see live. Probably one of the first bands I ever remember seeing live. I was so jealous of my youth pastors daughter for being able to buy the CD. I didn’t have any money, and wanted the CD so bad. They were signing pictures for free, so I got one. I still have it somewhere. I think. On their website they have all their music and such. I don’t think the band is still together, which is a shame. But seeing them play live was awesome. They put on a really good show and had awesome music that was both legit and thoughtful.

The purpose of my writing about these memories is this: I was once a student, looking up to some incredible role models – both peers, and leaders. Now I am in the role of the leader.

It is bizarre to be on the other side of the stage, as it were. I find myself trying to model the characteristics that my leaders exemplified. Sometimes I feel like I fall short. I may not be as patient or calm, but I have energy and passion. I have been through the youth group experience and I want the students to have a great time.

So. Yeah. Just thought I would share all this with you.

I figured that as long as I lived by the principals of Christianity, and kept a fellowship of believers about me, I’d be fine. And to some extent, that was true. The sins I committed weren’t any different than those I committed while regularly attending church, and I got to sleep in on Sundays too.

Some poor choices, and good friends who were there to comfort me in the wake of poor choices, made me question why I was not attending church. I realized that since I had acquired my driving license and an automobile, I really had no reason not to attend church. Additionally, I had friends who attended churches. So I began attending churches with my friends.

Then one week a number of my friends were out of town. In fact, everyone who I had been attending churches was gone. Now I grew up in a household where if you go to church, you go to church. EVERY WEEK. NO MATTER WHAT. So Saturday night, I made a google church for churches in a town nearby my Beautiful California University, where I’d found better church options. Now, the town next to my Beautiful California University is where I grew up until I moved to my Small High School Town. I remembered that one time when I was about 13 or so, I heard about a church that was doing new, crazy and innovative things. I didn’t remember what the church was called, so I went on Google Maps to the location of the church, and then Googled the church. After browsing the website for about 10 minutes, I decided that it looked retro and trendy enough for me to check out. I noted the address and the service time, and went to sleep.

I walked in and was greeted. Woohoo. I was greeted again when I walked into the actual auditorium where the service was held. I sat in the back. I worshipped, then listened to the sermon, which was on a topic that came up multiple times in my life the week before (this is a whole other story though). Then I left.

The worship service had lights and smoke, like a concert. The speaker was really energetic and engaging. I was intrigued, and interested in going back. I called one of my friends that had been attending churches with me, and told her about it. She was excited, as opposed to my vague skepticism. The next week she went with me, and liked it. We attended together for awhile, then summer break came, and she went home for a few weeks.

At this time, I must note that I had absolutely no interest in connecting to the church I was attending. I did not want friends, I did not want to deal with church politics, I did not want to become one of those yuppies who goes to lunch after church. I did not want any of that. I was perfectly happy going to church, then returning home and continuing with my day.

Early-ish in the summer, a man added me on Facebook through my churches Facebook page. I learned that he was one of the leaders at my church. Then some other people did. The man, who has a name (Micah, in case you were wondering) sent me a message on Facebook, and asked if I’d like to get lunch. I agreed, and we met at In-N-Out. I had a yummy cheeseburger. He probably thought I was crazy for bringing in my sustainable water bottle, instead of just getting a cup. Whatever. Anyways, little did I know this was the first step in a long journey.

Through this lunch, I became involved with the youth program on Sunday mornings at my church. I was going to be a small group leader. I was excited to stretch my strengths and try new things. All my work has been with college students. This was a chance to work with a different age group. Yay!

In the fall, the youth program started up after a summer hiatus. At first, I still didn’t care to connect to the other leaders. I would talk to them and stuff. One week we went to frozen yogurt, and that was cool. But overall. Bleh. Then this guy named Chris came along and shook things up. Micah told us to all go to lunch together and brainstorm some ideas  for games to play before the youth service started. So we went to lunch. The discussion was legit. And fun.

The next week, Chris was all “let’s go to lunch!” I was like “eh. okay. sure. whatever” and went. Then the next week, he was like “let’s go to lunch” and I was like “yeah. alright.” Slowly, it became a regular thing. It was no longer “let’s go to lunch,” now the question has become “where’re we going to lunch?”

In fact, I now have a church family. I am involved as a volunteer at my church. I go to lunch every week after church. In fact, in a way, I have accepted this and planned it into my life. It is the weekly thing. Go to church. Hang out with awesome jr. high and high school students. Lead discussions. Have fun. Go to lunch. Be there ’til 4pm-ish.

I spend all week looking forward to hanging out on Sunday afternoons with Chris, Erika, Amy, Kelsey, Seth, and sometimes Lisa-Marie. Even Micah, Erica and Josiah would join us. A few times, we were even joined by Andy, the church pastor. I look forward to it so much that I’ve started getting coffee with Chris during the week.

I didn’t realize how much this meant to me until today. Chris and Erika were out of town. I felt a little bit of an empty spot and I realized how much my church family meant to me. In fact, as I was talking to Amy today about going to Grad School in August-ish, I realized that in just a few short months, I’m going to miss this family I’ve become a part of. I’m going to miss them a lot.

So I wanted to share a bit of that with you.